Reflection on Grief & Loss: Dealing with it all in College

Sometimes as college students we have a tendency to get lost in the thick of it all. We

are so preoccupied with the studying, partying, working, and extracurricular activities. This, in a sense, is what we’re supposed to do. That’s why we’re in college in the first place. Well, from time to time life has a way of telling us to “Slow Down” and often times it’s the only choice we have. Two weeks ago, right before I went to class, I received a call from my mother. Which was very odd because my mother doesn’t call often; if she does it’s definitely not at 7:30 in the morning. As I answered the phone I heard my mother’s voice crack as she informed me that my grandmother had passed away. I began to feel a hurt that wasn’t familiar to me. 

My lungs seemed to not function anymore as I started to gasp for air. It seemed so surreal. You would have thought I was reenacting a dramatic movie scene. But my feelings were legitimate; it felt like the walls all around me were closing in. One would argue that hearing this news in college is the absolute worst setting. There is no family to console you and you have to deal with the grief of losing a loved on all on your own. Well, I beg to differ. After my tears subsided, I decided that I couldn’t handle this on my own. I reluctantly dragged myself to my best friend’s room and managed to tell her what happened before I broke down again. In retrospect it turned out to be the most beneficial thing I could’ve done considering.

It mostly consisted of me half crying half talking to her but the point is: There was still someone there to half cry and half talk to. Someone to lean on when I felt I had no strength. Whether we choose to admit it or not, we all need someone to console us during traumatic situations. Grief can often be so overwhelming our first instinct is to immediately isolate

ourselves from the world. I suppose one would think that’s a decent idea at first thought but I’m here to let you know that it’s not. Talking with my friend that day gave me an outlet to express how I felt. The comfort lied in the fact that there was someone there to simply listen – to show that they cared.

Often times when friends or peers are grieving, we are at a loss for words. We don’t

know the right things to say and we definitely don’t want to say anything to make the situation worse. It is a touchy area and there is a lot of apprehension as to what is the correct way to approach it. The goal is just to make the person feel better, right? Not necessarily. There’s no way someone can feel that much better about the death of a loved one after one conversation. Healing can sometimes takes many years and even then although the pain may not be as present it is forever there.

I recall telling my roommate that my grandmother had passed and it was obvious that she

didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to make me feel any worse, so for a long time she

stayed quiet. Although, one day she walked with me down by the lake and sat with me. For a

long time we just sat in silence as we watched the waves of the water crash into each other and then slide back onto shore. It was so serene and peaceful. As we sat, my roommate decided to share a story of a friend that she had lost while in high school and how it affected her. At that moment, she opened up the opportunity for us to bond. Though not on the best terms to bond, it was still an experience that brought us together that I will never forget. Now, while everyone may not have a story or an experience that can relate to a grieving friend, I can assure you -- it is consoling to share anything that can possibly create a connection between you both. What I found to be the most therapeutic to do was talk. Whether it was talking to my friend, roommate, therapist or even myself – it always helped to talk. Sometimes I just wanted to talk and verbalize my thoughts and memories about my grandmother.

Often, I didn’t want a response, just ears to hear. As days passed I noticed I began to spend more time with my friends than ever before and I also started calling my mom and my dad more often. Closer relationships began to form with the people in my life that were still here and it felt great. Now, I call my mom every night and I stress how much I love her. Sometimes it takes a storm to bring brighter days and although there will always be a void in my heart I continue to express my love for the ones who are left here on earth.

  

Above all, appreciate every single person you are surrounded by. It’s probably embedded in your head to do that already but I thought I might stress it again for you. Losing someone you love has to be the most painful experience in one’s lifetime and regret will make the pain that much more extreme. The people you take for granted today could be gone tomorrow. The person you mistreat today could be gone tomorrow. Not to scare you, just to enlighten you on how valuable life truly is.