Being BLACK

    Being Black has to arguably be the most complex things to be in America.. anywhere. You are born into a society where there is an underlying hatred, envy, fear, confusion towards people of a darker complexion. When I was younger, it seemed so ludicrous to me that simply because my skin pigment was a few shades darker then the next person I was subject to discrimination. This was my mindset as a young child, before I even began to learn of the horrific institution of slavery and then later, the civil rights movement. To be black means to sometimes be so overwhelmed with the state of racism in our society that you decide that it might actually be easier to simply ignore it.

    To be black means walking into clothing store and walk slowly and always make sure you're in view of a sales-worker to ensure that they don't think you'll steal from them. To be black means speaking in the clearest way possible to your white counterparts so that they do not think you're uneducated. Being a black woman means speaking softly to other white women so that you do not intimidate them with your “aggression”. Being a black woman means having to be the only race that is asked to have their hair touched. Being a black woman means bleaching your skin because successful black women that you admire do not believe their skin is beautiful. It means sewing in the hair of a horse's tail so that you may conform to the European standard of beauty – because that is the only acceptable form of beauty. It means having to accept the term “exotic” as a compliment for being a beautiful black woman. It means claiming to be mixed with any other race to escape your blackness, because essentially we are taught to believe that anything is better than being a black person in America.

     Although, as I began to learn more about the world that we live in, I began to learn more about myself as well. To be a black no longer had a negative connotation to myself. To be black meant to have beautiful skin that stayed youthful and supple until old age. To be black meant having long, thick, full hair. To be black meant being descendants of Kings and Queens. Being black meant knowing values such as discipline and respect towards our elders. Being black meant learning how to be resilient from a young age because we had no choice. Being black means working hard to succeed and enjoying the fruits of our labor because we earned it and were not handed it on a silver spoon. Being black means being beautiful both inside and out -- let no one's insecurity and self hatred tell you otherwise. 

Reflection on Grief & Loss: Dealing with it all in College

Sometimes as college students we have a tendency to get lost in the thick of it all. We

are so preoccupied with the studying, partying, working, and extracurricular activities. This, in a sense, is what we’re supposed to do. That’s why we’re in college in the first place. Well, from time to time life has a way of telling us to “Slow Down” and often times it’s the only choice we have. Two weeks ago, right before I went to class, I received a call from my mother. Which was very odd because my mother doesn’t call often; if she does it’s definitely not at 7:30 in the morning. As I answered the phone I heard my mother’s voice crack as she informed me that my grandmother had passed away. I began to feel a hurt that wasn’t familiar to me. 

My lungs seemed to not function anymore as I started to gasp for air. It seemed so surreal. You would have thought I was reenacting a dramatic movie scene. But my feelings were legitimate; it felt like the walls all around me were closing in. One would argue that hearing this news in college is the absolute worst setting. There is no family to console you and you have to deal with the grief of losing a loved on all on your own. Well, I beg to differ. After my tears subsided, I decided that I couldn’t handle this on my own. I reluctantly dragged myself to my best friend’s room and managed to tell her what happened before I broke down again. In retrospect it turned out to be the most beneficial thing I could’ve done considering.

It mostly consisted of me half crying half talking to her but the point is: There was still someone there to half cry and half talk to. Someone to lean on when I felt I had no strength. Whether we choose to admit it or not, we all need someone to console us during traumatic situations. Grief can often be so overwhelming our first instinct is to immediately isolate

ourselves from the world. I suppose one would think that’s a decent idea at first thought but I’m here to let you know that it’s not. Talking with my friend that day gave me an outlet to express how I felt. The comfort lied in the fact that there was someone there to simply listen – to show that they cared.

Often times when friends or peers are grieving, we are at a loss for words. We don’t

know the right things to say and we definitely don’t want to say anything to make the situation worse. It is a touchy area and there is a lot of apprehension as to what is the correct way to approach it. The goal is just to make the person feel better, right? Not necessarily. There’s no way someone can feel that much better about the death of a loved one after one conversation. Healing can sometimes takes many years and even then although the pain may not be as present it is forever there.

I recall telling my roommate that my grandmother had passed and it was obvious that she

didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to make me feel any worse, so for a long time she

stayed quiet. Although, one day she walked with me down by the lake and sat with me. For a

long time we just sat in silence as we watched the waves of the water crash into each other and then slide back onto shore. It was so serene and peaceful. As we sat, my roommate decided to share a story of a friend that she had lost while in high school and how it affected her. At that moment, she opened up the opportunity for us to bond. Though not on the best terms to bond, it was still an experience that brought us together that I will never forget. Now, while everyone may not have a story or an experience that can relate to a grieving friend, I can assure you -- it is consoling to share anything that can possibly create a connection between you both. What I found to be the most therapeutic to do was talk. Whether it was talking to my friend, roommate, therapist or even myself – it always helped to talk. Sometimes I just wanted to talk and verbalize my thoughts and memories about my grandmother.

Often, I didn’t want a response, just ears to hear. As days passed I noticed I began to spend more time with my friends than ever before and I also started calling my mom and my dad more often. Closer relationships began to form with the people in my life that were still here and it felt great. Now, I call my mom every night and I stress how much I love her. Sometimes it takes a storm to bring brighter days and although there will always be a void in my heart I continue to express my love for the ones who are left here on earth.

  

Above all, appreciate every single person you are surrounded by. It’s probably embedded in your head to do that already but I thought I might stress it again for you. Losing someone you love has to be the most painful experience in one’s lifetime and regret will make the pain that much more extreme. The people you take for granted today could be gone tomorrow. The person you mistreat today could be gone tomorrow. Not to scare you, just to enlighten you on how valuable life truly is.

Preoccupation with Gays and Abortion

The religious community is often faulted with the insensitive and deep-rooted criticism of those who don't abide by the laws and codes of the Bible. This past July Pope Francis made comments essentially criticizing the Catholic church's pre-occupation with controversial issues such as abortion, homosexuality and contraception. During the interview with the Jesuit based journal, La Civilta Cattolica, the pope frankly stated “He doesn't want us to just harp on birth control and gay marriage, he wants us to bring back compassion, mercy, outreach to the poor and inclusion of the marginalized,” he said. Boston College professor, Thomas Groome, said the comments were a shift away from his predecessors. It is noticeably obvious that the Catholic Church has chosen to stick to their old ways and has made no clear effort to modernize their outlook on others who don't fit the mold of what they believe to be “virtuous”. It is odd that of all people to criticize the Catholic Church it is the Pope himself! This may be a precursor to where religion as we know it may be headed. Who knows… we might eventually have a – dare I say it, a Gay pope.

Although, the question comes into play “Why should it matter?” That has always been the lingering question in my mind. Religion preaches basic principles such as “Love thy neighbor”, “Treat others as you would like to be treated”, and “diversity”, but when the Church comes out with comments calling gay

marriage an ‘abomination’ it considers you to rethink how hypocritical their ideals really are. It’s just like that one kid in class who always told the teacher what everyone else did wrong but when he did something wrong he had nothing to say! If you want to really get technical – we are all sinners. I never got the memo that God hated gays more than he hated murderers. Due to the fact that Christians will forgive one if he simply repents for his wrongdoing, it shouldn’t matter what that “wrongdoing” is right? Well, this leads me to assume that the church has selective forgiveness, because unless you get ‘healed’ and rid yourself of your homosexuality you are a force of evil in the eyes of the Lord. If someone has a break, please give me one.

“In Buenos Aires I used to receive letters from homosexual persons who are ‘socially wounded’ because they tell me they feel like the church has always condemned them.” Said the Pope. It is actually gratifying to know that the leader of the religious world essentially agrees that it is nonsensical to STILL be preoccupied with what others are doing in their personal lives. People are being ostracized for simply wanting to be happy; I am positive that someone would not choose to be outcast by society, teased, disrespected and have their dignity, quite often, taken away from them. As it is good that the followers of the Catholic Church may be rethinking their outlooks on these matters it is also our responsibility to look inwards and reevaluate how we may treat others based on their sexual orientation, race, or personal decisions they participate in. In order to peacefully coexist with others it requires basic respect for one another and a mutual understanding that although everyone may not be like you, it is still your obligation to respect them.